Walking through the door and into her home was both an exciting and terrifying experience. Her friend stood before me, smiling and inviting as I heard the roar of the bathroom fan which was situated up the stairs directly in front of me. To my right I saw a mirror which expanded the narrow entrance room and I saw myself in my overly stylish clothing and throw-back hat begging to be worn in a different era. The ironic post-modern look I conveyed was a dream of sorts of the man I wish to be. You see, I have artistic sensibilities and talent but lack the confidence and the patience to believe in myself and my own worth.
As I stood at the bottom of the stairs, I smiled to Carrie and saw her kind eyes and relaxed stance. Over a short period of time I have learned to grow fond of her and her mannerisms as one would grow fond of any kind person in ones life. Though I enjoy her much, as can be easily concurred, I came to visit one person and one person only. Her name is Katie. She was upstairs preparing herself for work. It was 2, and she had to be at work by 4:30
I met Katie for the first time not that long ago. The specific date is not remembered for it was not the first meeting that matters but the second. The second meeting I was filled with fiery alcohol induced confidence. She came and spent time with I and our mutual friend, who I have known for a couple of years and who shall be told of on a later date. She caught my eye as no other woman has. I have been in love many times in my short life, and of those times each encounter and each attraction has been unique and splendid. I do not have the audacity to say I am in love, for love is but a word for a feeling we cannot yet define. Love is a word suited for gazing in the past and into the future but for the present I shall only call it attraction and instinct.
Hearing the roar of the fan reminded me where she was, so I climbed the stairs and saw her and her short frame in the door. She was working on her hair and applying her make-up as so many woman do before work. She saw me and smiled. It seemed natural and almost comfortable. She felt no need to stop what she was doing, to treat me as a guest, for I was not a guest. It felt as if I was a fixture of her life, a constant which had only applied itself very recently, and wished to be maintained; a semblance of familiarity begging to last for as long as was humanly possible. I felt a surge of pride within myself for knowing this wonderful woman. Her recently bright black hair shone in the light as her brisk and well applied make-up reflected vibrantly in the dull bathroom light. It takes a rare woman to be as beautiful as she was in such a dull and poorly created light.
To say I was attracted to her would be an understatement. She was a woman of sensuality which I could not reject. Her short stature and her curved features screamed at me with a sensation of visceral pleasure as I instantly remember our evening together, but 2 weeks prior, in which I was able to please her and hear her call my name. Yet, despite all that, it was her smile which tugged at my heart and pulled at my mind. She looked at me with her brown-green eyes and I felt comfortable. I could hear my breathing quicken and my heart flutter in a way I hadn't felt in a long time. Although she isn't mine she is a fixture of my comfort at the moment, a reminder of what I can accomplish when I allow myself to be that which isn't untrue.
"Hi!" she exclaimed in her usual energetic voice. She alway possessed a tone of unperturbed nonchalance that both annoyed and excited me. She is a women which allows me to feel contradictory emotions and I adore her for it. It isn't the woman that allows me to feel which I need, but the woman that allows me to experience feelings of a nature I have never experienced before. I have felt extreme emotions of all forms but rarely have I been meet with such wonderful and uncharacteristic contradictions. A truly wonderful and awe inspiring journey. I was with her.
I watched from the corner of the room as she undressed. A mirror stood to my left showing me my reflection. At this moment I see an unattractive young man awkwardly standing at the door. The white door to my right is open a-jar. A cat walks in briskly. It is night and dark. Katie comfortably removes her blouse and stockings as she slips out of her dark skirt, a wonderful outfit which emphasized all aspects of her body. As she stands before me in her basic linens I can see her pear shaped body and strong legs. The curves of her body excite me and I feel the hormones of a twenty-one year old boy pump through me. She unbuckles her bra and I see her breasts in the darkness. The only light is emitted from a fake bedside table.
The table was designed to be a Television stand but had been converted to be a bed side table, an action which would have driven Aristotle to philosophical annoyance. I watched as she slides a short blue gown overtop of her, hiding her nakedness. She walks to a small cloth-made drawer and pulls out a different pair of underwear to replace the sensual pair she was wearing before hand. As she slips into her bed wear I could feel a comfort settle within myself. She smiles at me in her comforting manner and walks to the bed, which stands tall to her short frame. The bed stands to the far right corner of the room while the door was at the far back left corner. I stand halfway between the door and the mirror.
I undressed but which I mean I removed my jeans and my dress shirt leaving me standing in my socks, boxers and t-shirt. I had worn a tight pair of boxers as to be more attractive and to convey certain aspects of my body. As I stood before her I felt silly and awkward for she found me attractive before I did such simple things. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. As I climbed into the bed I commented on the comfort of it and she pointed out that I was not under all the blankets. I couldn't help but laugh at myself once again. I, Alex, was being a fool as I always am.
I finally and successfully snuggled under the warm blankets upon the very large bed covered in numerous pillows. As I slide in I was able to finally grasp her, Katie, within my arms. A surge of excitement coursed through my body as I felt her bare skin on my hands and her warm body against mine. It was an intimacy which I had begged for not so long ago, one I had searched for and had been rejected time and time again and I was happy, I was filled with adulation. My smile was large and my drive for a sexual experience was larger, but I was meet with a reality, a woman who wanted nothing more but my warmth and my comfort and my company. At first confused I was touched. She had shown a form of comfort I hadn't truly experienced. I fell asleep in her arms, or perhaps she was in mine? In many respects I don't remember. I was in a wave of happiness and comfort of which I am recording today, and one I will not forget. If all other moments are gone I am happy to have this one. Love? It is too early to tell. Perhaps one day if she wills it. Until then I hope I make her as happy as she makes me. If I don't I hope I can somehow make her feel as I feel, for she deserves it more than I. More then I.
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