A Sales Pitch

Hello and welcome! My name is Jerry and today your life will be changed forever.  I shall introduce you to a new and fantastic product which will revolutionize everything around you. Now before I begin I would like to ask you, the kind viewer, a few simple questions. Do you find life a bore? Does life weight you down, does it get in the way of "happiness" and "fulfillment" which are empty words for gigantic promises and untold lies. If you answered yes to one or all of the above questions than I have the answer for you! 

Death!!!! 

Now hear me out. "Life" has been a fad for much to long. It has become a vibrant part of our society and is sold to us from one end of the world to another. Life, not only being an unstoppable fad, is filled with stress and annoyance. It is incredibly expensive, and has consistent payments year in and year out. What a bore!!! But what if I told you that I could sell you death for one simple price, and it ends there! No more laborious payments and oh those taxes!!!! It would all come to an end. 

In our studies, we have not found a single person who has been unhappy with their death experience! Not a single letter has been write by any of our customers complaining about the new experience known as death!!! Now this stands in stark parallel with life! Costumer satisfaction for life has been declining for years. Throw away the path to life and embrace the positives of death! No more stress, no more taxes, no more payments, no more aches and pains, and age means nothing when you are dead!! 

Now Jerry you may ask, what about happiness?! what about fulfilment and all those good things about life?! Well good question! The answer is simple, all those "things" you listed are simply human constructs. They don't actually exist! Now I know you are no fool right? I know you, the loyal customer, can see a great deal when it is presented to you! You may ask yourself, but Jerry, death sounds like such a great deal, there must be a catch!? No Catch!! Death is simple, easy, and cheap, a stark contrast to the expenses of you now pay to remain alive. Thousands of dollars thrown down the drain simply to maintain the same boring and senseless state of existence. But death will only cost you one easy payment of $5,000, and then you can enjoy the blissful neutrality of non-existence! Thats right, only $5,000! 

Call now at the number at the bottom of your screen! and it gets better! When you purchase death you will also get to choose what happens to your worthless corpse! That will be thrown in for free, but only if you call the number at the bottom of your screen within the next 10 minutes! Don't hesitate now!! Get your chance to enjoy death, a one time offer for only $5,000!