Lucid retreat (A Poem)

Lucid retreat

Burying the vivid moments in my sub conscious

I thought you would be my last Adrenaline rush  

Everything I do is inexplicably linked to this feeling

I make sure to lay you face up towards the ceiling

Watching your eyes is like watching the end of a movie

The colors fade and the screen turns into a rich black

Usually I see myself walking away into the darkness 

Wishing I was like you, full of beauty and harmless 

They say every man has a talent he cannot escape 

He become a mannequin to that of which he does

I would like to believe that I didn't have a choice 

That I learned to handle myself with a stark poise

I do feel some hint of guilt and regret somewhere

I wouldn't be pondering my existence if I couldn't

I glance at the mirror and stare at my callused eyes

We all have our goals and fight for a certain prize 

I glance at you, laying there in an infinite stillness  

I had no reason to choose you over anyone else

There was something though that made me know

That today you where linked to my life's inane flow

Im just like everyone else, I wonder why I am like I am

I don't know If I was born this way or if It was parenting

sadly though, pondering such things are meaningless

I can't change who I am, Ill act with optimistic vigilance 

There is no such thing as the sweetest kill in life 

Only those that we remember with lucid abandonment 

They are not something to be enjoyed or rejoiced 

I wish more than anything else that I had a real choice. 

So I live my life encompassed in a lucid retreat of defeat 

Caught living in past moments and future regressions 

Striking at just more than the humanity I attempt to create

I want an existence in which I have no need to self sedate