The term "breaking the ice" has many connotations and seems to possess numerous layers. When I hear or consider the term I think of risk, reward and failure. If we successfully break the ice we are allowed to swim in the river of our own successes, but if we fail to break the ice successfully we are caught underneath a sheet of cold reality that drowns our hopes. The above term perfectly epitomizes the double edged risk of social interaction, and rarely does it fall within a grey area of neither success nor failure.
I despise ultimatums and as such I have little to no fondness of the need to "break the ice" with anyone for any reason, yet I must, for I am in all intents and purposes a social creature who struggles for the need to socially interact. I have grown successful in being able to minimize my time trapped under half broken sheets of ice through the negligible art of educated guesses and risks, except for in one specific area ... romance! Oh the dreaded word which I have once again uttered from my quivering lips. Yes romance and all its follies have proven to be as treacherous and seemingly insurmountable as the poets and writers of great have warned! It lies within us the need to experience the splendor of touch, sexuality and intimacy that can only be experienced through the darkened woods of romance and love! How easily it is to be lost within the forest within brightened skies.
I don't despise romance. The act of romance is filled with a beauty and a need for exploration I greatly enjoy, romance does not exist within ultimatums. Yet the creation of romance, the catalyst and birth of that impermanent concept is usually one of ultimatums. And for that I despise the risk of romance, the risk of "breaking the ice" and all that entails.
Today I am meeting with someone who I wish to break the ice with romantically. I want to be able to kiss her, hold her hand, and hopefully hold her in her entirety but I am afraid that if I do I will be faced with a rejection that would spell the end of our relationship. I fear this ultimatum; romantic affection or none what-so-ever. Such is the constant continuation of my new blog posts main theme, that of fear. How fear stifles the mind, the heart, and the soul is undeniable and undefinable but we all face its grueling realities and some of us are strong enough to overcome that fear, to hold it at bay and to plunge within that frigid river and attack the drifting ice until it breaks before our will or until it breaks our will. I do not know if I possess that strength, bravery, confidence, stupidity or all the above. One thing is certain though, there are no absolute truths in life. I was once faced with a similar situation in which I had fallen for a dear friend and I endured romantic rejection and for a short time social rejection yet the ultimatum faded and we once again grew to love one another as was meant. The reverse had also occurred. To fear the unknown is normal, if not expected, and that is something I must accept about my humanity, but I also possess an insatiable and truly insensible curiosity for the unknown which may bring upon my untimely end. That is life. That is how I wish to live.
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