My day began as many others do, differently. I find there is very little consistency. the one consistency that I can indulge in is that my day began as my previous day had ended, emotionally. I was unable to sleep, for numerous reasons, and as such I laid awake with the world on my mind. As Atlas and I contemplated our burdens during the night I was of course very displeased with my life and myself, wishing for things to be different. Before long the old familiar tune of "dancing shoes" blared from my phone, reminding me that it was indeed time for work. As such, at five twenty five this morning I peeled myself from my disingenuous bed and made myself the usual eggs on toast, reheating some day old tea, and sat on the couch in my living room. I was in a bitter mood. It was early, I was tired, I was emotional and felt myself vibrate. I planned my route to the stampede, took the train and was gifted with the barely conscious face of my boss, along with another young fellow I had yet to be introduced to. I was in a sour mood.
For the first thirty minutes we sat in silence, brooding over the abject boredom which awaited us. Unable to stand the shattering silence which enveloped us all I made a more official acquaintance with the "mysterious" young man. He turned out to be a university student such as myself who was also in the same major. We broke into an old familiar rhythmic conversation, the one which two strangers of similar passions often have. I could feel a smile widen on myself. Not long after I was informed there was a mistake, that I was not supposed to work today. Good, I could sleep.
When I made it home I went straight to bed and caught a few much needed hours, unburdened by my thoughts from the night before. When I awoke I decided to reacquaint myself with an old familiar pain. I watched a movie, Blue is the Warmest Colour, and followed the passioned journey of two lovers fulfilling their emptiness. Quickly the passionate and highly sexualized affair turned into a quiet love unhinged by a power misbalance which would soon bring about great pain and difficulty. As I watched I was both entranced with the story unfolding upon the screen and the memories which reeled within my own mind, just behind my knowing eyes. I felt the pain, I felt the tension and I mourned both the characters on the screen and the people in my life.
I soon finished the visual opus and decided to put on my ear phones and take a walk outside. Do you ever have those moments in which the audio you select perfectly epitomizes the visuals you see before you? Life becomes richer, it brightens and melds with the melodic tension that I could feel within myself and the musical landscape within my earphones. The way the sun broke through the leaves, the way the children moved along the playground and the manner in which the parents smiled heightened the beauty of the world. The wonderfully clear and blue sky melded with the bright yellow sun in such a manner that I felt safe and no longer alone. I was at ease with myself and with the world. My walk was methodical, I felt the wind on my face and the sun on arms. Each passing moment built upon the previous one, creating an energy in me, a happiness I could only enjoy in abstract loneliness. I felt better.
It is a beautiful day and a wonderful and exciting life. I never know when such moments of absolute beauty will come, but when I am gifted I am thankful. Enjoy today my friends. I sure am.
Love
Olek
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